8
A BULL.
An Irish gentleman going to the post-office, inquired if there were any letters for him? 'Your name, sir,' said the clerk. 'There is a good one now,' said the Hibernian, 'why, wont you see it on the back of the letter?'
BAD BETTER THAN NONE.
A married woman was telling a staid lady, somewhat on the wrong side of fifty, of some domestic troubles, which she in great part attributed to the irregularities of her husband. 'Well (said the old maid), you have brought these troubles on yourself. I told you not to marry him. I was sure he would not make you a good husband. He is not a good one, to be sure, madam (replied the woman), but he is a power better than none.'
COBBETT AND THE GOOSE.
When Cobbett kept a stationer's shop at Philadelphia, and was writing under the name of 'Peter Porcupine', a young sub went to buy some quills, and thinking to pass a joke upon Peter, asked him if they were not Porcupine's quills? Upon which Cobbett, taking up the redcoat's money, drily replied, making at the same time a very profound bow, Oh, no, sir! they are a goose's.'
MOTHER WIT.
An Irishman, while on his passage to this country in search of harvest work, was observed to walk up and down the deck at a brisk pace, occasionally giving a look at the Captain whenever he came in sight, as if to attract his observation. On being asked by the steward for his passage-money, when nearing the port of destination, Pat replied, 'Arrah, honey, be aisey now, sure the master won't do such a dirty trick as charge a poor shearer, who has walked the whole way.'
AN IMPUDENT IMP.
An irregular apprentice frequently keeping late hours, his master at length took occasion to apply some weighty arguments to convince him of the error of his ways. During the chastisement, he continually exclaimed, 'How long will you serve the D———?'. The boy replied, whimpering, 'You know best, sir: I believe my indenture will be out in three months!'
