Page:Ballads·of·Bung•E·Iveagh·Lord•1921.pdf/12

While “mental aberration” is the term the doctors fixed
(They charge you half-a-guinea, but it keeps your conscience clear,
And the boss is not supposed to know that you were on the beer.)
“Non compos mentis,” yet another mode of saying that your “on,”
And “paralytic,” “punctured,” “primed” or “potty” are not wrong,
“Over the plimsol,” “rocking,” or that “you’re on the roll”—
All these expressions clearly show you love the flowing bowl.
A “ribald reveller,” “on the rag,” or mayhap “in the rats,”
(Don’t you hear them spitting, the jealous, wowser cats!)
“Sizzled,” “slithered,” “squiffy,” “sprung,” or that you’re “on the spree”
(Say the first three sixteen times and prove you’re not to me.)
To say you’re “soused,” “steamed,” “stunned,” or that “you’re on the swank,”
Is only a reflection, on the glorious way you drank.
“Not sober,” is another mode and “sozzled” and “schicker” as well,
While “tight,” “tapped,” “tipped,” or “tipsey,” the same old story tell.
Some will say you’re “full as a tick,” and some that your damned “well tanked,”
Some that you’re “wined,” “wounded,” or “wet,” and some that you are “yanked.”
The boss at the front they said “Zig-zagged,” and the greatest of wars they won,
For King and Country, kids and all, and the right to have a “Stun.”