Page:Box and Cox.djvu/9

must be individually and professionally associated with the hatting interest.

Mrs. B.

Yes, sir. And, by the bye, Mr. Box, he begged me to request of you, as a particular favour, that you would not smoke quite so much.

Box.	Did he? Then you may tell the gentle hatter, with my compliments, that if he objects to the effluvia of tobacco, he had better domesticate himself in some adjoining parish.

Mrs. B.

Oh, Mr. Box! You surely wouldn't deprive me of a lodger?[Pathetically.

Box.	It would come to precisely the same thing, Bouncer, because if I detect the slightest attempt to put my pipe out, I at once give you warning that I shall give you warning at once.

Mrs. B.

Well, Mr. Box—do you want anything more of me?

Box.	On the contrary—I've had quite enough of you!

Mrs. B.

Well, if ever! What next, I wonder? [Goes out at l. c., slamming door after her.

Box.

It's quite extraordinary, the trouble I always have to get rid of that venerable female! She knows I'm up all night, and yet she seems to set her face against my indulging in a horizontal position by day. Now, let me see—shall I take my nap before I swallow my breakfast, or shall I take my breakfast before I swallow my nap—I mean, shall I swallow my nap before—no—never mind! I've got a rasher of bacon somewhere—[Feeling in his pockets]—I've the most distinct and vivid recollection of having purchased a rasher of bacon—Oh, here it is—[Produces it, wrapped in paper, and places it on table.]—and a penny roll. The next thing is to light the fire. Where are my lucifers? [Looking on mantel-piece r., and taking box, opens it.] Now, 'pon my life, this is too bad of Bouncer—this is, by several degrees, too bad! I had a whole box full, three days ago, and now there's only one! I'm perfectly aware that she purloins my coals and my candles, and my sugar—but I did think—oh, yes, I did think that my lucifers would be sacred! [Takes candlestick off the mantel-piece, r., in which there is a very small end of candle—looks at it.] Now I should like to ask any unprejudiced person or persons their opinion touching this candle. In the first place, a candle is an article that I don't require,