Page:ChroniclesofEarlyMelbournevol.2.pdf/425

which he carries about with him, as a caution symbol, like a green lamp on a railway line. T h e lady, when last heard of, was residing in a European city, a faded and forgotten beauty, but a recognized authority in everything appertaining to cosmetics, and especially posted up in the latest improvements in the fabrication and setting of counterfeit teeth, and the concoction of dentrifices. I have since discovered that this lady was the only one in Melbourne the possessor of artificial masticators. But the lawyers did not always restrict their poaching to legal preserves. They would occasionally go forth in quest of g a m e amongst the general public, and one of them got well pummelled under the following circumstances:—He was a tall strapping fellow, and though not an Adonis, took into his head that he was an accomplished lady-killer. In his absurd self-sufficiency he considered he had only to look at her, and no lady could resist the fascination of his " sheep's-eye." Meeting a married couple w h o were one evening at a public ball in Melbourne, and the wife having politely acknowledged some conventional courtesies, the m a n of law took it for granted that he had m a d e a conquest, and fatuously went further, for a few days after the lady received through post from the Attorney, a packet containing a set of costly diamond earrings, and a " lawyer's letter," couched in very unprofessional and incautious language, soliciting the favour of a moonlight meeting northwardly of the n o w Old Cemetery, where the Meat Market is n o w established. However, the lawyer was cleverly outwitted, for the lady quietly handed the billet-doux and the enclosure to her husband, and at his request, replied, accepting the present and agreeing to the tryst. T h e gay Lothario hastened to the appointed spot, and there m e t — n o t a faithless wife—but an enraged husband, and a brother-in-law, who, to his astonishment, produced the fatal note, and (without waiting for apologies) proceeded to " lamb him d o w n " with a horse-whip—so effectually that he went h o m e with aching bones. There never was such a nonsuit in the legal world, and the bill of costs, mercilessly exacted by two stout-handed " taxing-masters," taught him a rough wholesome lesson, which he never after forgot. T h e story of the summary jurisdiction so promptly set in motion was too good to remain long a secret, and so it soon leaked out, and the " shocking example" so made, exercised a beneficial effect in counselling the fast bachelor-hood of Melbourne to be on their good behaviour, so as to avoid a dose of the like unpleasant application. For the seven years commencing with 1840, the condition of society presented anomalies which time gradually removed; the limited population, the disparity of the sexes, and the ratio of Bachelors as against Benedicts being active contributories towards connubial and other complications, which generally ended with consequences less serious than might be, under the circumstances, imagined. The lawyers (both branches), as a rule, plunged into the excitement of passing events, the convivialism, the speculations, the movement in furtherance of a charitable purpose or a public good, in fact, the good and the bad without m u c h discrimination. S o m e of them descended to premature graves; others clandestinely cleared out of the district; some realized fortunes to spend them in either Victoria or England ; and two sank into the worst pauperism of all—the seedy, unwashed, hungry-faced dipsomaniac—creeping about the streets, ready to beg, borrow or steal the price of a glass of rum, and willing to sell themselves, soul and body, for a pint of beer.