CANTO III.]
HUDIBRAS.
419
Sir, quoth the Lawyer, not to flatter ye, 675
You have as good and fair a battery[1]
As heart can wish, and need not shame
The proudest man alive to claim:
For if they've us'd you as you say,
Marry, quoth I, God give you joy; 680
I wou'd it were my case, l'd give
More than I'll say, or you'll believe:
I wou'd so trounce her, and her purse,
I'd make her kneel for better or worse;
For matrimony, and hanging here, 685
Both go by destiny so clear,[2]
That you as sure may pick and choose,
As cross I win, and pile you lose:[3]
And if I durst, I wou'd advance
As much in ready maintenance,[4] 690
As upon any case I've known;
But we that practise dare not own:
The law severely contrabands
Our taking bus'ness off' men's hands;
'Tis common barratry,[5] that bears 695
Point-blank an action 'gainst our ears,
And crops them till there is not leather,
To stick a pen in left of either;
For which some do the summer-sault,
And o'er the bar, like tumblers, vault:[6] 700
You have as good and fair a battery[1]
As heart can wish, and need not shame
The proudest man alive to claim:
For if they've us'd you as you say,
Marry, quoth I, God give you joy; 680
I wou'd it were my case, l'd give
More than I'll say, or you'll believe:
I wou'd so trounce her, and her purse,
I'd make her kneel for better or worse;
For matrimony, and hanging here, 685
Both go by destiny so clear,[2]
That you as sure may pick and choose,
As cross I win, and pile you lose:[3]
And if I durst, I wou'd advance
As much in ready maintenance,[4] 690
As upon any case I've known;
But we that practise dare not own:
The law severely contrabands
Our taking bus'ness off' men's hands;
'Tis common barratry,[5] that bears 695
Point-blank an action 'gainst our ears,
And crops them till there is not leather,
To stick a pen in left of either;
For which some do the summer-sault,
And o'er the bar, like tumblers, vault:[6] 700
- ↑ Meaning an action of Battery. See Measure for Measure, Act ii. sc. 1, and Twelfth Night, Act iv. sc. 1.
- ↑ This proverbial saying has already been quoted at page 166. We will only add here that it is quoted by several of the old poets, as also by Shakspeare, Merch. of Ven. Act ii. se. 9, and Ben Jonson, Barthol. Fair, Act iv. sc. 3.
- ↑ Meaning a mere toss up, see page 292.
- ↑ Maintenance is the unlawful upholding of a cause or person.
- ↑ Barratry is the unlawful stirring up of suits or quarrels, either in court or elsewhere.
- ↑ Summer-sault (or somerset), throwing heels over head, a feat of activity performed by tumblers. When a lawyer has been guilty of misconduct, and is not allowed to practise in the courts, he is said to be thrown over the bar.
