Nay more, "When my heart, weary of the surrounding darkness, tries to find rest in the thought of a life to come, my anguish increases. It seems to me that out of the darkness I hear the mocking cry of the unbeliever: 'You dream of a land of light and fragrance; you dream that the Creator of these wonders will be yours forever….' Nay, rejoice in death, which will give you not what you hope for, but a still darker night, the night of utter nothingness!" A fearful trial indeed for one who loves God most ardently. And "it was not a veil but a wall rising to the very heavens." Besides, the devil held her "with a grip of iron to drive her even to despair." And how did she act? Without even facing the enemy, she fled to Jesus and assured Him of her readiness to shed her blood in testimony of her faith in a life to come; she turned to Heaven and "thanked God and the saints just the same, feeling that they wanted to see how far she would push her trust."
"…with many a sweet caress
I to Him my love confide,
With redoubled tenderness
When He stealeth from my side."
This indescribably painful triple martyrdom was endured, not successively, but simultaneously, and lasted till her death. It was so intense that she said: "I did not think it was possible to suffer so much." Yet she was ever peaceful and calm, cheerful and smiling, "Amid these waters of tribulation that I had so thirsted for," she said, "I was the happiest of mortals." I shall be able to fathom this "austere sweetness" only in so far as I am willing to experience it. How strong is my love of God?
Novena Prayer
Dear St. Therese, even these few brief reflections leave me astounded at the appalling extent and intensity of your sufferings. What must they have been in reality! I begin to understand something of the full and deep truth of those words you uttered toward the end of your life: "I did not think it was possible to suffer so much." I can indeed think of much, even seemingly bound-
