Page:Punch Vol 148.djvu/201

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SWEDISH DRILL.

First Weary "Special" to Second ditto. "I say, what's the good of all this? We're not at war with Sweden, are we?"

 

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A PLEA FOR REPRIEVE.

[Removed from the old West London Police Court, which is being demolished, the last wooden dock in London has just been condemned for firewood.]

Good Sirs, in your merciless dealings  With the dock that you doom to be burned, Have you paused to consider the feelings  Of the people most closely concerned? Will the burglar feel angry or gracious  When, his liberty like to be lopped, He finds himself first in your spacious  New coop for the copped?

Whatever his thoughts at that season,  This much I would dare to advance, He would now have you show (within reason)  A proper respect for romance; Is it seemly a structure so rich in  Connections with Sikes and his mates Should perish in parlour and kitchen,  Mere fodder for grates?

If the dock's for the burning, so be it;  But sentiment wakes the desire In my bosom (and Sikes's) to see it  Attain a more glorious pyre; Allot it an eminent station,  Since its life is commanded to cease, As a part of some vast conflagration  To celebrate peace.

 

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THE MENACE OF PEACE.

"The War has done you good, you know, Henry," said I, as he concluded a brilliant forecast as to what was really going to happen to Hindenburg.

"How?" said the Reverend Henry. "I was pretty fit before."

"I mean morally. These occasional week-ends of ours have been much more harmonious than they were six months ago. You used to be such a quarrelsome brute."

"It's quite true," said Sinclair. You used to fuss horribly about the Welsh Church and payment of Members, and all those queer old things."

"I'm sorry," said the Reverend Henry, very humbly. "But you follows used to have such extreme viows. And at least I was always out for a big Navy, you know."

"As for the House of Commons," said Sinclair, "the atmosphere of gentlemanly acquiescence that pervades that assembly in these days is most refreshing. For success in debate you only seem to require a repertoire of three remarks—'After you, Sir,' 'My mistake' and 'Don't mention it.'"

"The really ghastly thing," said the Reverend Henry, "is that as soon as the War is over they will be at it again. This is all very jolly while it lasts, they say in effect, but of course we reserve to ourselves the absolute right to begin all over again exactly where we left off. It is understood that no one need forego———"

"Yes, that's it," said I. "The great point is not to forego. As far as I remember—it is all so long ago—they left off at the stage where they were chucking things at one another."

You don't mean that it will really break out again?" said Sinclair in a voice of horror. "Just as it was before?"

"Just like that," said Henry.

"Not Plural Voting?"

"Yes," said Henry.

"But not Tariff Reform and The Foreigner's Got My Job and all that?"

"Yes," said Henry.

"But hang it, man, you don't mean

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