Ford.
Good mine Host o'th' Garter: a word with you.
Host.
What saist thou, my Bully-Rooke?
Shal.
Will you goe with vs to behold it? My merry Host hath had the measuring of their weapons; and (I thinke) hath appointed them contrary places: for (beleeue mee) I heare the Parson is no Iester: harke, I will tell you what our sport shall be.
Host.
Hast thou no suit against my Knight? my guest-Caualeire? Shal. None, I protest: but Ile giue you a pottle of burn'd sacke, to giue me recourse to him, and tell him my name is Broome: onely for a iest.
Host.
My hand, (Bully:) thou shalt haue egresse and regresse, (said I well?) and thy name shall be Broome. It is a merry Knight: will you goe An-heires?
Shal.
Haue with you mine Host.
Page.
I haue heard the French-man hath good skill in his Rapier.
Shal.
Tut sir: I could haue told you more: In these times you stand on distance: your Passes, Stoccado's, and I know not what: 'tis the heart (Master Page) 'tis heere, 'tis heere: I haue seene the time, with my long-sword, I would haue made you fowre tall fellowes skippe like Rattes.
Host.
Heere boyes, heere, heere: shall we wag?
Page.
Haue with you: I had rather heare them scold, then fight.
Ford.
Though Page be a secure foole, and stands so firmely on his wiues frailty; yet, I cannot put-off my opinion so easily: she was in his company at Pages house: and what they made there, I know not. Well, I wil looke further into't, and I haue a disguise, to sound Falstaffe; if I finde her honest, I loose not my labor: if she be otherwise, 'tis labour well bestowed. Exeunt.
Scæna Secunda.
Enter Falstaffe, Pistoll, Robin, Quickly, Bardolffe, Ford.
Fal.
I will not lend thee a penny.
Pist.
Why then the world's mine Oyster, which I, with sword will open.
Fal.
Not a penny: I haue beene content (Sir,) you should lay my countenance to pawne: I haue grated vpon my good friends for three Repreeues for you, and your Coach-fellow Nim; or else you had look'd through the grate, like a Geminy of Baboones: I am damn'd in hell, for swearing to Gentlemen my friends, you were good Souldiers, and tall-fellowes. And when Mistresse Briget lost the handle of her Fan, I took't vpon mine honour thou hadst it not.
Pist.
Didst not thou share? hadst thou not fifteene pence? Fal. Reason, you roague, reason: thinkst thou Ile endanger my soule, gratis? at a word, hang no more about mee, I am no gibbet for you: goe, a short knife, and a throng, to your Mannor of Pickt-hatch: goe, you'll not beare a Letter for mee you roague? you stand vpon your honor: why, (thou vnconfinable basenesse) it is as much as I can doe to keepe the termes of my honor precise: I, I, I my selfe sometimes, leauing the feare of heauen on the left hand, and hiding mine honor in my necessity, am faine to shufflle: to hedge, and to lurch, and yet, you Rogue, will en-sconce your raggs; your Cat-a-Mountaine-lookes, your red-lattice phrases, and your boldbeating-oathes, vnder the shelter of your honor? you will not doe it? you?
Pist.
I doe relent: what would thou more of man?
Robin.
Sir, here's a woman would speake with you.
Fal.
Let her approach.
Qui.
Giue your worship good morrow.
Fal.
Good-morrow, good-wife.
Qui.
Not so, and't please your worship.
Fal.
Good maid then.
Qui.
Ile be sworne, As my mother was the first houre I was borne.
Fal.
I doe beleeue the swearer; what with me?
Qui.
Shall I vouch-safe your worship a word, or two?
Fal.
Two thousand (faire woman) and ile vouchsafe thee the hearing.
Qui.
There is one Mistresse Ford, (Sir) I pray come a little neerer this waies: I my selfe dwell with M[aster]. Doctor Caius:
Fal.
Well, on; Mistresse Ford, you say.
Qui.
Your worship saies very true: I pray your worship come a little neerer this waies.
Fal.
I warrant thee, no-bodie heares: mine owne people, mine owne people.
Qui.
Are they so? heauen-blesse them, and make them his Seruants.
Fal.
Well; Mistresse Ford, what of her?
Qui.
Why, Sir; shee's a good-creature; Lord, Lord, your Worship's a wanton: well: heauen forgiue you, and all of vs, I pray —
Fal.
Mistresse Ford: come, Mistresse Ford.
Qui.
Marry this is the short, and the long of it: you haue brought her into such a Canaries, as 'tis wonderfull: the best Courtier of them all (when the Court lay at Windsor) could neuer haue brought her to such a Canarie: yet there has beene Knights, and Lords, and Gentlemen, with their Coaches; I warrant you Coach after Coach, letter after letter, gift after gift, smelling so sweetly; all Muske, and so rushling, I warrant you, in silke and golde, and in such alligant termes, and in such wine and suger of the best, and the fairest, that would haue wonne any womans heart: and I warrant you, they could neuer get an eye-winke of her: I had my selfe twentie Angels giuen me this morning, but I defie all Angels (in any such sort, as they say) but in the way of honesty: and I warrant you, they could neuer get her so much as sippe on a cup with the prowdest of them all, and yet there has beene Earles: nay, (which is more) Pentioners, but I warrant you all is one with her.
Fal.
But what saies shee to mee? be briefe my good sheeMercurie.
Qui.
Marry, she hath receiu'd your Letter: for the which she thankes you a thousand times; and she giues you to notifie, that her husband will be absence from his house, betweene ten and eleuen.
Fal.
Ten, and eleuen.
Qui.
I, forsooth: and then you may come and see the picture (she sayes) that you wot of: Master Ford her husband will be from home: alas, the sweet woman leades an ill life with him: hee's a very iealousie-man; she leads a very frampold life with him, (good hart.)
Fal.
Ten, and eleuen.
Woman
