Here's Hell broke loose, and Heaven's quite empty,
We scarce have left one God in twenty.
Pray, what has set them all a running?" —
"Dear brother, nothing else but punning.
Behold that double creature yonder
Delights them with a double entendre."
"Ods-fish," says Pluto, "where's your thunder?
Let drive, and split this thing asunder."
"That's right;" quoth Jove; with that he threw
A bolt, and split it into two;
And when the thing was split in twain,
Why then it punn'd as much again.
"'Tis thus the diamonds we refine,
The more we cut, the more they shine:
And ever since, your Men of Wit,
Until they're cut, can't pun a bit.
So take a starling when 'tis young,
And down the middle slit the tongue,
With groat or sixpence, 'tis no matter,
You'll find the bird will doubly chatter.
"Upon the whole, dear Pluto, you know,
'Tis well I did not split my Juno!
For, had I done't, whene'er she'd scold me,
She'd make the Heavens too hot to hold me."
The Gods, upon this application,
Return'd each to his habitation,
Extremely pleas'd with this new joke;
The best, they swore, he ever spoke.
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