THE UNEQUAL MARRIAGE. 317
young a girl to such an old fellow as he ? Ga. Kings do not grow old. Pe. But what makes you look so melancholy then? It maybe you envy the happiness of the bridegroom, who has rivalled you. Ga. Pshaw, there is nothing of that in the matter. Pe. Well, then, has anything happened like what is related of the Lapithse's feast ] Ga. No, not so neither. Pe. What then, had you not wine enough ? Ga. Yes, and too much too. Pe. Had you no pipers? Ga. Yes, and fiddlers too, and harpers, and trumpeters, and bagpipers. Pe. What was the matter then ? Was not Hymen at the wedding 1 Ga. They called loudly for him with all this music, but to no purpose. Pe. Were not the Graces there neither? Ga. Not a soul of them, nor bridemaid Juno, nor beautiful Venus, nor Jupiter Gamelius. Pe. By my troth, you tell me a story of a dull wedding indeed, an ungodly one, or rather an unmarried marriage. Ga. You would have said so, indeed, if you had seen it. Pe. Had you no dancing at it ? 6'. No, but we had wretched limping. Pe. What, had you no lucky godship at all to exhilarate the wedding ? Ga. No, not one there but a goddess that the Greeks called Psora. Pe. Why, you give me an account of a scabby wedding indeed. Ga. Nay, a cankered and a pocky one. Pe. But prithee, friend Gabriel, tell me what makes the remembrance of it fetch tears from your eyes ? Ga. Ah, dear>Petro- nius, it is enough to fetch tears from a flint stone. Pe. I believe so, if a flint-stone had been present and seen it. But, prithee, what extraordinary mischief is this ] Do not hide it from me, nor keep my expectation any longer in suspense. Ga. Do you know Lampi'idius Eubulus ? Pe. Yes ; there is not a better nor happier man in the city. Ga. Well, and do you know his daughter Iphigenia too 1 Pe. You have mentioned the very flower of the age. Ga. She is so; but do you know who she is married to ] Pe. I shall know when you have told me. Ga. She is married to Pomponius Blenus. Pe. What, to that Hector that used to talk folks to death in cracking of his bxllying tricks 1 Ga. To the very man. Pe. He has been for a long time very noted in this town for two things chiefly i.e., lying and the mange, which has no proper name to it, though, indeed, it has a great many. Ga. A very proud distemper, that will not strike sail to the leprosy the elephantine leprosy tetters, the gout, or ringworm, if there was to be an engage- ment between them. Pe. So the sons of Esculapius tell us. Ga. What need is there, Petronius, for me to describe to you a damsel that you are very well acquainted with, although her dress was a great addition to her native beauty. My Petronius, you would have taken her for a goddess had you seen her. Everything in her and about her was graceful. In the meantime out comes our blessed bridegroom with his snub nose, dragging one leg after him, but not so cleverly neither as the Switzers do ; itchy hands, a stinking breath, heavy eyes, his head bound up with a forehead-piece, and a running at his nose and ears. Other people wear their rings on their fingers, but he wears his on his thighs. Pe. What was in the mind of the lady's parents to join such a daughter to a living mummy 1 Ga. I cannot tell, except it was with them as it is with many more that have lost their senses. Pe. It may be he was very rich. Ga. He is very rich, indeed, but it is in the debts he owes. Pe. What greater punishment
