Punch/Volume 147/Issue 3809/Essence of Parliament
(Extracted from the Diary of Toby, M.P.)
House of Commons, Monday, June 29.—Curious how the Labour Party, who the other day, joining hands with the Conservatives, nearly threw the Government out, lead the way in sartorial fashion. Since Don't Keir Hardie, home from the storied East, presented himself in reach-me-down suit of white drill such as as is worn aboard ship in the Red Sea, nothing has created such sensation as the dropping in this afternoon of Mr. Hodge, arrayed in a summer suit. It was not, as some might have expected, the simple garment of the elder branch of his honourable family. No. It was not a smock such as Frank Lockwood pictured Bobby Spencer wearing when he made his historic declaration, "I am not an agricultural labourer." Hodge (Gorton Div., Lancs., Lab.), as The Times' parliamentary report has it, burst upon the attention of a crowded House at Question-time got up in wondrous garment, white in the foundation of colour, but relieved from the crude hardness of Don't-Keir Hardie's suit by what suggested dexterous process of patting and lightly smearing with a mustard spoon. A Trilby hat crowned and accentuated this creation.
As the vision crossed the Bar Members sat silent, gazing upon it with lips slightly parted. Similarly, upon a peak in Darien, stout Cortez stared at the Pacific.
Silence was broken by a burst of hearty cheering, in which the keen ear detected a slightly discordant note. Whilst Members were frankly disposed to applaud the boldness of what I believe purveyors of new models of female dress call the "confection," whilst they were lost in admiration of its effect, there was a feeling of disappointment that they had not thought of it themselves, and been the first to enter the field.
Thanks to the genius of Frank Lockwood a former House was able to realise the figure presented by the present Earl Spencer, whilst still with us in the Commons, skipping along in the purity of a Monday morning smock, carrying in his right hand a garlanded pitchfork. What the present House, jaded with a succession of Budgets and the persistence of the Ulster question, would like to see is the entrance of those twin brethren, Lord Castlereagh and Earl Winterton, walking arm-in-arm, arrayed in garb approaching as nearly as possible that which, thanks to Mr. Hodge, this afternoon illuminated the Legislative Chamber.
"EXTRY SPESHUL!"
Business done.—Chancellor of Exchequer announced third edition of Budget. "Before the end of the week," said Sark, "I expect we shall meet him running up and down the Terrace with hand to widely-opened mouth shouting "Extry Speshul!"
Tuesday.—Amery began to think he had escaped consequences of his little mistake. Nearly a week has sped since he called attention to indiscretion of Captain Bellingham, aide-de-camp to the Lord-Lieutenant, who, reviewing small body of Nationalist volunteers, enjoined them to stand fast by cause of Home Rule. From answer of Chief Secretary it appeared that Member for South Birmingham had been forestalled by Lord Aberdeen, who had called upon the Captain for explanation and received suitable apology for the error.
Irish Members quick to see opening innocently made for them. Having long regarded with resentment Lord Londonderry's active patronage of movements of Ulster volunteers, have sedulously sought opportunity of bringing it under notice of House. Amery obligingly provided it. Unexpected delay in seizing it was due to search for particulars not presented in form of questions addressed to Premier, citing with dates and places six separate occasions when the aide-de-camp to the King had, by his presence and counsel, sanctioned reviews of Ulster volunteers, "whose avowed object," as the question put it, "is, in event of enactment of Home Rule Bill, to resist by armed force the authority of the Crown and Parliament, and to make the administration of the law impossible." What Mr. Devlin, with studied politeness, was anxious to know was "whether there is any special reason why in this matter the Marquis of Londonderry should be treated differently from Captain Bellingham?"
Lord Morley. "Thanks, I won't trouble you; I still have a crust left."
["The noble marquis seemed to regard the Government as a shipwrecked mariner—I presume a pirate. If I am a pirate he is the last man to whom I should think of applying for aid, unless the distress was dire indeed."
Lord Morley.]
Premier not to be drawn into the controversy. Duties of aide-de-camp to the King, unlike those of aide-de-camp to Lord-Lieutenant, are, he said, of entirely honorary character. In such circumstances he did not think it worth while to take notice of the matter. Effect of the reply designedly chilling; object of question attained by publicly submitting it. Amery "wishes he hadn't spoke."
The Premier's imperturbability stood him in even greater stead at later proceedings. On going into Committee of Supply, Hope of Sheffield moved reduction of his salary on account of alleged failure to take necessary steps to maintain high standard of single-minded disinterestedness in public service. Though nominally concerned with the Premier and the public service Hope told a flattering tale which was a thinly veiled attack on that meek personage the Chancellor of the Exchequer.
Archer-Shee, who followed, was less circuitous in his retrograde march on old Marconi quarters. Soon had Committee in state of uproar vainly combated by those champions of order, Winterton, Arthur Markham and Swift MacNeill. Winterton, whilst constitutionally forceful, was irresistibly irrelevant. Member for Pontefract venturing to offer an observation, Winterton shouted, "Order, pigeons!"
Of course there were no pigeons about. An active mind, quick to seize a point, had harked back to Dick Turpin Booth's ride to Yorkshire in a race with carrier pigeons.
Markham denounced Archer-Shee for delivering "a low attack that could not be answered." Accusation summarised by other Members with yell of "Coward!"
As for Swift MacNeill, Archer-Shee SHEE presuming to rise simultaneously with one of his many upgettings, he turned upon him and roared, "Sit down, Sir!" Gallant Major so terrified that he incontinently fell back in his seat.
To general discussion Members from various quarters of House contributed the observations, "Dirty lies!" "Coward!" "Caddish!" "Unspeakably low!" "Shut up" Only for coolness, courage and prompt decision of Whitley in the Chair discreditable scene would have worthily taken its place among others that smirch pages of Parliamentary record. Having occupied two hours of time assumed to be valuable it died out from sheer exhaustion. On division what was avowedly vote of censure on Premier negatived by majority of 152.
Business done.—Summer storm in Committee of Supply.
House of Lords, Thursday.—Second night of debate on Amending Bill to modify a measure not yet enacted. House crowded, evidently weighed down by a sense of direct responsibility at grave crisis. Le brave 'Willoughby de Broke has no patience with attitude of noble lords on Front Opposition Bench. Is congenitally prone to take a short way with dissenters. Came to the fore five years ago, when what Haldane called Lloyd George's first great Budget (eclipsed by his second) fell like a bomb in the Parliamentary arena. Whilst elder peers were disposed to temporise in view of constitutional difficulty, Willoughby had only three words to say—"Throw it out!"—Milner adding a fearless remark about the consequences whose emphasis has been excelled only by Mrs. Patrick Campbell in Pygmalion. So the Budget was shattered on the rock of the House of Lords, and in swift reprisal with it went the supremacy of that ancient institution.
Less effectual in his resistance to the Parliament Act which promptly followed, De Broke is insistent upon treating the Amending Bill as the Budget of 1909 was treated. Has moved its rejection and, in spite of Halsbury, threatens to go to a division.
Meanwhile Lansdowne, in weighty speech worthy great occasion, announces intention of voting for Second Reading of Bill, with intent to amend in Committee. Originally planned that division should be taken to-night. So many peers have something to say that it is postponed till Monday.
Business done.—Debate on Amending (Home Rule) Bill continued.