Punch/Volume 147/Issue 3829/The Wild and Wooly West End
"A Protest.—Is there any reason why the War should be made an excuse for the abandonment of the niceties of life? Dining at a West-End restaurant nowadays one might well imagine oneself in America, from the variety and incongruity of the dress of the male patrons."—Advt. in "The Times."
We fear that the protest is only too well justified. Indeed, much more might be revealed were it not for the heavy hand of the C———r. Our special representative reports:—
To the O.C., Punch Battalion, Bouverie Brigade, Fleet Division, E.C., of London Reserves.
A City on the river T———s.
Nov. the —teenth.
Carrying out your order No. 69A, I made a night reconnaissance in force. I have the honour to report that at dinner at a certain hotel two hundred yards east by north of railway base C———g X, I counted only five-boiled shirts. Have reason to suspect that they were subsidised by the management, and were worn by Stock Exchange members thrown out of employment by the War and endeavouring to supplement their private incomes.
The rest of the male costumes were mainly khaki. One man entered dining-room with Buffalo Bill hat decorated with maple-leaf and A.M.S. (Athabasca Mounted Scalpers), which he deposited on chair next to him. The only nut present endeavoured to remove this object. The A.M.S. man touched his hip-pocket significantly, and said: "The drinks are on you."
At the table next to him was a group of South American magnates in tweed suits decorated with large buttons reading: "No me habla de la guerra!" If the man from Athabasca should start conversation with them about the war, it seemed probable that gun-fighting would ensue. I therefore enfiladed the position and took cover. However, the sergeant-waiter tactfully shifted a palm into screening position between the two tables, and thus averted the spreading of the War to Latin America.
Similar state of affairs existed in stalls of certain theatre within outpost distance of P———y C———s. Ladies were openly knitting socks and intimate woollen garments between the Acts. Management seemed powerless to restore the conventions of peace-time.
At the C———n Tavern the bar-tender had pasted notice on mirror behind him: "This Saloon closes at ten sharp. Gents are kindly requested not to start nothing here." The announcement seemed to have been effective, for very few bullet-marks were to be noted.
By midnight, L———r S———e and R———t S———t were comparatively clear of dagos. This was due to efforts of street-cleaning corps (3rd County of L———n Light Hose).