Beg. Y'are a baggage, the Slies are no Rogues. Looke in the Chronicles, we came in with Richard Conqueror: therefore Paucas pallabris, let the world slide: Sessa.
Host. You will not pay for the glasses you haue burst?
Beg. No, not a deniere: go by S. Ieronimie, goe to thy cold bed, and warme thee.
Host. I know my remedie, I must go fetch the Headborough.
Beg. Third, or fourth, or fift Borough, Ile answere him by Law. Ile not budge an inch boy: Let him come, Falles asleepe.and kindly.
Winde hornes. Enter a Lord from hunting, with his traine.
Lo. Huntsman I charge thee, tender wel my hounds, Brach Meriman, the poore Curre is imbost, And couple Clowder with the deepe-mouth'd brach, Saw'st thou not boy how Siluer made it good At the hedge corner, in the couldest fault, I would not loose the dogge for twentie pound.
Hunts. Why Belman is as good as he my Lord, He cried vpon it at the meerest losse, And twice to day pick'd out the dullest sent, Trust me, I take him for the better dogge.
Lord. Thou art a Foole, if Eccho were as fleete, I would esteeme him worth a dozen such: But sup them well, and looke vnto them all, To morrow I intend to hunt againe.
Hunts. I will my Lord.
Lord. What's heere? One dead, or drunke? See doth he breath?
2.Hun. He breath's my Lord. Were he not warm'd with Ale, this were a bed but cold to sleep so soundly.
Lord. Oh monstrous beast, how like a swine he lyes. Grim death, how foule and loathsome is thine image: Sirs, I will practise on this drunken man. What thinke you, if he were conuey'd to bed, Wrap'd in sweet cloathes: Rings put vpon his fingers: A most delicious banquet by his bed, And braue attendants neere him when he wakes, Would not the begger then forget himselfe?
1.Hun. Beleeue me Lord, I thinke he cannot choose.
2.H. It would seem strange vnto him when he wak'd
Lord. Euen as a flatt'ring dreame, or worthles fancie. Then take him vp, and manage well the iest: Carrie him gently to my fairest Chamber, And hang it round with all my wanton pictures: Balme his foule head in warme distilled waters, And burne sweet Wood to make the Lodging sweete: Procure me Musicke readie when he wakes, To make a dulcet and a heauenly sound: And if he chance to speake, be readie straight (And with a lowe submissiue reuerence) Say, what is it your Honor wil command: Let one attend him with a siluer Bason Full of Rose-water, and bestrew'd with Flowers, Another beare the Ewer: the third a Diaper, And say wilt please your Lordship coole your hands. Some one be readie with a costly suite, And aske him what apparrel he will weare: Another tell him of his Hounds and Horse, And that his Ladie mournes at his disease, Perswade him that he hath bin Lunaticke, And when he sayes he is, say that he dreames, For he is nothing but a mightie Lord: This do, and do it kindly, gentle sirs, It wil be pastime passing excellent, If it be husbanded with modestie.
1.Hunts. My Lord I warrant you we wil play our part As he shall thinke by our true diligence He is no lesse then what we say he is.
Lord. Take him vp gently, and to bed with him, And each one to his office when he wakes. Sound trumpets. Sirrah, go see what Trumpet 'tis that sounds, Belike some Noble Gentleman that meanes (Trauelling some iourney) to repose him heere. Enter Seruingman. How now? who is it?
Ser. An't please your Honor, Players That offer seruice to your Lordship.
Enter Players. Lord. Bid them come neere: Now fellowes, you are welcome.
Players. We thanke your Honor.
Lord. Do you intend to stay with me to night?
2.Player. So please your Lordshippe to accept our dutie.
Lord. With all my heart. This fellow I remember, Since once he plaide a Farmers eldest sonne, 'Twas where you woo'd the Gentlewoman so well: I haue forgot your name: but sure that part Was aptly fitted, and naturally perform'd.
Sincklo. I thinke 'twas Soto that your honor meanes.
Lord. 'Tis verie true, thou didst it excellent: Well you are come to me in happie time, The rather for I haue some sport in hand, Wherein your cunning can assist me much. There is a Lord will heare you play to night; But I am doubtfull of your modesties, Least (ouer-eying of his odde behauiour, For yet his honor neuer heard a play) You breake into some merrie passion, And so offend him: for I tell you sirs, If you should smile, he growes impatient.
Plai. Feare not my Lord, we can contain our selues, Were he the veriest anticke in the world.
Lord. Go sirra, take them to the Butterie, And giue them friendly welcome euerie one, Let them want nothing that my house affoords. Exit one with the Players. Sirra go you to Bartholmew my Page, And see him drest in all suites like a Ladie: That done, conduct him to the drunkards chamber, And call him Madam, do him obeisance: Tell him from me (as he will win my loue) He beare himselfe with honourable action, Such as he hath obseru'd in noble Ladies Vnto their Lords, by them accomplished, Such dutie to the drunkard let him do: With soft lowe tongue, and lowly curtesie, And say: What is't your Honor will command, Wherein your Ladie, and your humble wife, May shew her dutie, and make knowne her loue. And then with kinde embracements, tempting kisses, And with declining head into his bosome Bid him shed teares, as being ouer-ioyed To see her noble Lord restor'd to health, Who for this seuen yeares hath esteemed him No better then a poore and loathsome begger: And if the boy haue not a womans guift To raine a shower of commanded teares, An Onion wil do well for such a shift, Which in a Napkin (being close conuei'd) Shall in despight enforce a waterie eie: See this dispatch'd with all the hast thou canst, Anon Ile giue thee more instructions. Exit a seruingman. I know the boy will wel vsurpe the grace, Voice, gate, and action of a Gentlewoman: I long to heare him call the drunkard husband, And how my men will stay themselues from laughter, When they do homage to this simple peasant, Ile in to counsell them: haply my presence May well abate the ouer-merrie spleene, Which otherwise would grow into extreames.
Enter aloft the drunkard with attendants, some with apparel, Bason and Ewer, & other appurtenances, & Lord.
Beg. For Gods sake a pot of small Ale.
1.Ser. Wilt please your Lord drink a cup of sacke?
2.Ser. Wilt please your Honor taste of these Conserues?
3.Ser. What raiment wil your honor weare to day.
Beg. I am Christophero Sly, call not mee Honour nor Lordship: I ne're drank sacke in my life: and if you giue me any Conserues, giue me conserues of Beefe: nere ask me what raiment Ile weare, for I haue no more doublets then backes: no more stockings then legges: nor no more shooes then feet, nay sometime more feete then shooes, or such shooes as my toes looke through the ouer-leather.
Lord. Heauen cease this idle humor in your Honor. Oh that a mightie man of such discent, Of such possessions, and so high esteeme Should be infused with so foule a spirit.
Beg. What would you make me mad? Am not I Christopher Slie, old Slies sonne of Burton-heath, by byrth a Pedler, by education a Cardmaker, by transmutation a Beare-heard, and now by present profession a Tinker. Aske Marrian Hacket the fat Alewife of Wincot, if shee know me not: if she say I am not xiiii.d. on the score for sheere Ale, score me vp for the lyingst knaue in Christendome. What I am not bestraught: here's———
3.Man. Oh this it is that makes your Ladie mourne.
2.Man. Oh this is it that makes your seruants droop.
Lord. Hence comes it, that your kindred shuns your house As beaten hence by your strange Lunacie. Oh Noble Lord, bethinke thee of thy birth, Call home thy ancient thoughts from banishment, And banish hence these abiect lowlie dreames: Looke how thy seruants do attend on thee, Each in his office readie at thy becke. MusickWilt thou haue Musicke? Harke Apollo plaies, And twentie caged Nightingales do sing. Or wilt thou sleepe? Wee'l haue thee to a Couch, Softer and sweeter then the lustfull bed On purpose trim'd vp for Semiramis. Say thou wilt walke: we wil bestrow the ground. Or wilt thou ride? Thy horses shal be trap'd, Their harnesse studded all with Gold and Pearle. Dost thou loue hawking? Thou hast hawkes will soare Aboue the morning Larke. Or wilt thou hunt, Thy hounds shall make the Welkin answer them And fetch shrill ecchoes from the hollow earth.
1.Man. Say thou wilt course, thy gray-hounds are as swift As breathed Stags: I fleeter then the Roe.
2.M. Dost thou loue pictures? we wil fetch thee strait Adonis painted by a running brooke, And Citherea all in sedges hid, Which seeme to moue and wanton with her breath, Euen as the wauing sedges play with winde.
Lord. Wee'l shew thee Io, as she was a Maid, And how she was beguiled and surpriz'd, As liuelie painted, as the deede was done.
3.Man. Or Daphne roming through a thornie wood, Scratching her legs, that one shal sweare she bleeds, And at that sight shal sad Apollo weepe, So workmanlie the blood and teares are drawne.
Lord. Thou art a Lord, and nothing but a Lord: Thou hast a Ladie farre more Beautifull, Then any woman in this waining age.
1.Man. And til the teares that she hath shed for thee, Like enuious flouds ore-run her louely face, She was the fairest creature in the world, And yet shee is inferiour to none.
Beg. Am I a Lord, and haue I such a Ladie? Or do I dreame? Or haue I dream'd till now? I do not sleepe: I see, I heare, I speake: I smel sweet sauours, and I feele soft things: Vpon my life I am a Lord indeede, And not a Tinker, nor Christopher Slie. Well, bring our Ladie hither to our sight, And once againe a pot o'th smallest Ale.
2.Man. Wilt please your mightinesse to wash your hands: Oh how we ioy to see your wit restor'd, Oh that once more you knew but what you are: These fifteene yeeres you haue bin in a dreame, Or when you wak'd, so wak'd as if you slept.
Beg. These fifteene yeeres, by my fay, a goodly nap, But did I neuer speake of all that time.
1.Man. Oh yes my Lord, but verie idle words, For though you lay heere in this goodlie chamber, Yet would you say, ye were beaten out of doore, And raile vpon the Hostesse of the house, And say you would present her at the Leete, Because she brought stone-Iugs, and no seal'd quarts: Sometimes you would call out for Cicely Hacket.
Beg. I, the womans maide of the house.
3.man. Why sir you know no house, nor no such maid Nor no such men as you haue reckon'd vp, As Stephen Slie, and old Iohn Naps of Greece, And Peter Turph, and Henry Pimpernell, And twentie more such names and men as these, Which neuer were, nor no man euer saw.
Beg. Now Lord be thanked for my good amends.
All. Amen.
Enter Lady with Attendants.
Beg. I thanke thee, thou shalt not loose by it.
Lady. How fares my noble Lord?
Beg. Marrie I fare well, for heere is cheere enough. Where is my wife?
La. Heere noble Lord, what is thy will with her?
Beg. Are you my wife, and will not cal me husband? My men should call me Lord, I am your good-man.
La. My husband and my Lord, my Lord and husband I am your wife in all obedience.
Beg. I know it well, what must I call her?
Lord. Madam.
Beg. Alce Madam, or Ione Madam?
Lord. Madam, and nothing else, so Lords cal Ladies
Beg. Madame wife, they say that I haue dream'd, And slept aboue some fifteene yeare or more.
Lady. I, and the time seeme's thirty vnto me, Being all this time abandon'd from your bed.
Beg. 'Tis much, seruants leaue me and her alone: Madam vndresse you, and come now to bed.
La. Thrice noble Lord, let me intreat of you To pardon me yet for a night or two: Or if not so, vntill the Sun be set. For your Physitians haue expressely charg'd, In perill to incurre your former malady, That I should yet absent me from your bed: I hope this reason stands for my excuse.
Beg. I, it stands so that I may hardly tarry so long: But I would be loth to fall into my dreames againe: I wil therefore tarrie in despight of the flesh & the blood
Enter a Messenger.
Mes. Your Honors Players hearing your amendment, Are come to play a pleasant Comedie, For so your doctors hold it very meete, Seeing too much sadnesse hath congeal'd your blood, And melancholly is the Nurse of frenzie, Therefore they thought it good you heare a play, And frame your minde to mirth and merriment, Which barres a thousand harmes, and lengthens life.
Beg. Marrie I will let them play, it is not a Comon-tie, a Christmas gambold, or a tumbling tricke?
Lady. No my good Lord, it is more pleasing stuffe.
Beg. What, houshold stuffe.
Lady. It is a kinde of history.
Beg. Well, we'l see't: Come Madam wife sit by my side, And let the world slip, we shall nere be yonger.
Flourish.Enter Lucentio, and his man Triano.
Luc. Tranio, since for the great desire I had To see faire Padua, nurserie of Arts, I am arriu'd for fruitfull Lumbardie, The pleasant garden of great Italy, And by my fathers loue and leaue am arm'd With his good will, and thy good companie. My trustie seruant well approu'd in all, Heere let vs breath, and haply institute A course of Learning, and ingenious studies. Pisa renowned for graue Citizens Gaue me my being, and my father first A Merchant of great Trafficke through the world: Vincentio's come of the Bentiuoly, Vincentio's sonne, brought vp in Florence, It shall become to serue all hopes conceiu'd To decke his fortune with his vertuous deedes: And therefore Tranio, for the time I studie, Vertue and that part of Philosophie Will I applie, that treats of happinesse, By vertue specially to be atchieu'd. Tell me thy minde, for I haue Pisa left, And am to Padua come, as he that leaues A shallow plash, to plunge him in the deepe, And with sacietie seekes to quench his thirst.
Tra. Me Pardonato, gentle master mine: I am in all affected as your selfe, Glad that you thus continue your resolue, To sucke the sweets of sweete Philosophie. Onely (good master) while we do admire This vertue, and this morall discipline, Let's be no Stoickes, nor no stockes I pray, Or so deuote to Aristotles checkes As Ouid; be an out-cast quite abiur'd: Balke Lodgicke with acquaintance that you haue, And practise Rhetoricke in your common talke, Musicke and Poesie vse, to quicken you, The Mathematickes, and the Metaphysickes Fall to them as you finde your stomacke serues you: No profit growes, where is no pleasure tane: In briefe sir, studie what you most affect.
Luc. Gramercies Tranio, well dost thou aduise, If Biondello thou wert come ashore, We could at once put vs in readinesse, And take a Lodging fit to entertaine Such friends (as time) in Padua shall beget. But stay a while, what companie is this?
Tra. Master some shew to welcome vs to Towne.
Enter Baptista with his two daughters, Katerina & Bianca Gremio a Pantelowne, Hortentio sister to Bianca. Lucen, Tranio, stand by.
Bap. Gentlemen, importune me no farther, For how I firmly am resolu'd you know: That is, not to bestow my yongest daughter, Before I haue a husband for the elder: If either of you both loue Katherina, Because I know you well, and loue you well, Leaue shall you haue to court her at your pleasure.
Gre. To cart her rather. She's to rough for mee, There, there Hortensio, will you any Wife?
Kate. I pray you sir, is it your will To make a stale of me amongst these mates?
Hor. Mates maid, how meane you that? No mates for you, Vnlesse you were of gentler milder mould.
Kate. I'faith sir, you shall neuer neede to feare, I-wis it is not halfe way to her heart: But if it were, doubt not, her care should be, To combe your noddle with a three-legg'd stoole, And paint your face, and vse you like a foole.
Hor. From all such diuels, good Lord deliuer vs.
Gre. And me too, good Lord.
Tra. Husht master, heres some good pastime toward; That wench is starke mad, or wonderfull froward.
Lucen. But in the others silence do I see, Maids milde behauiour and sobrietie. Peace Tranio.
Tra. Well said Mr, mum, and gaze your fill.
Bap. Gentlemen, that I may soone make good What I haue said, Bianca get you in, And let it not displease thee good Bianca, For I will loue thee nere the lesse my girle.
Kate. A pretty peate, it is best put finger in the eye, and she knew why.
Bian. Sister content you, in my discontent. Sir, to your pleasure humbly I subscribe: My bookes and instruments shall be my companie, On them to looke, and practise by my selfe.
Luc. Harke Tranio, thou maist heare Minerua speak.
Hor. Signior Baptista, will you be so strange, Sorrie am I that our good will effects Bianca's greefe.
Gre. Why will you mew her vp (Signior Baptista) for this fiend of hell, And make her beare the pennance of her tongue.
Bap. Gentlemen content ye: I am resolud: Go in Bianca. And for I know she taketh most delight In Musicke, Instruments, and Poetry, Schoolemasters will I keepe within my house, Fit to instruct her youth. If you Hortensio, Or signior Gremio you know any such, Preferre them hither: for to cunning men, I will be very kinde and liberall, To mine owne children, in good bringing vp, And so farewell: Katherina you may stay, Exit.For I haue more to commune with Bianca.
Kate. Why, and I trust I may go too, may I not? What shall I be appointed houres, as though (Belike) I knew not what to take, Exit.And what to leaue? Ha.
Gre. You may go to the diuels dam: your guifts are so good heere's none will holde you: Their loue is not so great Hortensio, but we may blow our nails together, and fast it fairely out. Our cakes dough on both sides. Farewell: yet for the loue I beare my sweet Bianca, if I can by any meanes light on a fit man to teach her that wherein she delights, I will wish him to her father.
Hor. So will I signiour Gremio: but a word I pray: Though the nature of our quarrell yet neuer brook'd parle, know now vpon aduice, it toucheth vs both: that we may yet againe haue accesse to our faire Mistris, and be happie riuals in Bianca's loue, to labour and effect one thing specially.
Gre. What's that I pray?
Hor. Marrie sir to get a husband for her Sister.
Gre. A husband: a diuell.
Hor. I say a husband.
Gre. I say, a diuell: Think'st thou Hortensio, though her father be verie rich, any man is so verie a foole to be married to hell?
Hor. Tush Gremio: though it passe your patience & mine to endure her lowd alarums, why man there bee good fellowes in the world, and a man could light on them, would take her with all faults, and mony enough.
Gre. I cannot tell: but I had as lief take her dowrie with this condition; To be whipt at the hie crosse euerie morning.
Hor. Faith (as you say) there's small choise in rotten apples: but come, since this bar in law makes vs friends, it shall be so farre forth friendly maintain'd, till by helping Baptistas eldest daughter to a husband, wee set his yongest free for a husband, and then haue too't afresh: Sweet Bianca, happy man be his dole: hee that runnes fastest, gets the Ring: How say you signior Gremio?
Grem. I am agreed, and would I had giuen him the best horse in Padua to begin his woing that would thoroughly woe her, wed her, and bed her, and ridde the house of her. Come on. Exeunt ambo. Manet Tranio and Lucentio
Tra. I pray sir tel me, is it possible That loue should of a sodaine take such hold.
Luc. Oh Tranio, till I found it to be true, I neuer thought it possible or likely. But see, while idely I stood looking on, I found the effect of Loue in idlenesse, And now in plainnesse do confesse to thee That art to me as secret and as deere As Anna to the Queene of Carthage was: Tranio I burne, I pine, I perish Tranio, If I atchieue not this yong modest gyrle: Counsaile me Tranio, for I know thou canst: Assist me Tranio, for I know thou wilt.
Tra. Master, it is no time to chide you now, Affection is not rated from the heart: If loue haue touch'd you, naught remaines but so, Redime te captam quam queas minimo.
Luc. Gramercies Lad: Go forward, this contents, The rest wil comfort, for thy counsels sound.
Tra. Master, you look'd so longly on the maide, Perhaps you mark'd not what's the pith of all.
Luc. Oh yes, I saw sweet beautie in her face, Such as the daughter of Agenor had, That made great Ioue to humble him to her hand, When with his knees he kist the Cretan strond.
Tra. Saw you no more? Mark'd you not how hir sister Began to scold, and raise vp such a storme, That mortal eares might hardly indure the din.
Luc. Tranio, I saw her corrall lips to moue, And with her breath she did perfume the ayre, Sacred and sweet was all I saw in her.
Tra. Nay, then 'tis time to stirre him fro his trance: I pray awake sir: if you loue the Maide, Bend thoughts and wits to atcheeue her. Thus it stands: Her elder sister is so curst and shrew'd, That til the Father rid his hands of her, Master, your Loue must liue a maide at home, And therefore has he closely meu'd her vp, Because she will not be annoy'd with suters.
Luc. Ah Tranio, what a cruell Fathers he: But art thou not aduis'd, he tooke some care To get her cunning Schoolemasters to instruct her.
Tra. I marry am I sir, and now 'tis plotted.
Luc. I haue it Tranio.
Tra. Master, for my hand, Both our inuentions meet and iumpe in one.
Luc. Tell me thine first.
Tra. You will be schoole-master, And vndertake the teaching of the maid: That's your deuice.
Luc. It is: May it be done?
Tra. Not possible: for who shall beare your part, And be in Padua heere Vincentio's sonne, Keepe house, and ply his booke, welcome his friends, Visit his Countrimen, and banquet them?
Luc. Basta, content thee: for I haue it full. We haue not yet bin seene in any house, Nor can we be distinguish'd by our faces, For man or master: then it followes thus; Thou shalt be master, Tranio in my sted: Keepe house, and port, and seruants, as I should, I will some other be, some Florentine, Some Neapolitan, or meaner man of Pisa. 'Tis hatch'd, and shall be so: Tranio at once Vncase thee: take my Coulord hat and cloake, When Biondello comes, he waites on thee, But I will charme him first to keepe his tongue.
Tra. So had you neede: In breefe Sir, sith it your pleasure is, And I am tyed to be obedient, For so your father charg'd me at our parting: Be seruiceable to my sonne (quoth he) Although I thinke 'twas in another sense, I am content to bee Lucentio, Because so well I loue Lucentio.
Luc. Tranio be so, because Lucentio loues, And let me be a slaue, t' atchieue that maide, Whose sodaine sight hath thral'd my wounded eye. Enter Biondello. Heere comes the rogue. Sirra, where haue you bin?
Bion. Where haue I beene? Nay how now, where are you? Maister, ha's my fellow Tranio stolne your cloathes, or you stolne his, or both? Pray what's the newes?
Luc. Sirra come hither, 'tis no time to iest, And therefore frame your manners to the time Your fellow Tranio heere to saue my life, Puts my apparrell, and my count'nance on, And I for my escape haue put on his: For in a quarrell since I came a-shore, I kil'd a man, and feare I was descried: Waite you on him, I charge you, as becomes: While I make way from hence to saue my life: You vnderstand me?
Bion. I sir, ne're a whit.
Luc. And not a iot of Tranio in your mouth, Tranio is chang'd into Lucentio.
Bion. The better for him, would I were so too.
Tra. So could I 'faith boy, to haue the next wish after, that Lucentio indeede had Baptistas yongest daughter. But sirra, not for my sake, but your masters, I aduise you vse your manners discreetly in all kind of companies: When I am alone, why then I am Tranio: but in all places else, your master Lucentio.
Luc. Tranio let's go: One thing more rests, that thy selfe execute, To make one among these wooers: if thou ask me why, Sufficeth my reasons are both good and waighty. Exeunt. The Presenters aboue speakes.
1.Man. My Lord you nod, you do not minde the play.
Beg. Yes by Saint Anne do I, a good matter surely: Comes there any more of it?
Lady. My Lord, 'tis but begun.
Beg. 'Tis a verie excellent peece of worke, Madame They sit and marke.Ladie: would 'twere done.
Enter Petruchio, and his man Grumio.
Petr. Verona, for a while I take my leaue, To see my friends in Padua; but of all My best beloued and approued friend Hortensio: & I trow this is his house: Heere sirra Grumio, knocke I say.
Gru. Knocke sir? whom should I knocke? Is there any man ha's rebus'd your worship?
Petr. Villaine I say, knocke me heere soundly.
Gru. Knocke you heere sir? Why sir, what am I sir, that I should knocke you heere sir.
Petr. Villaine I say, knocke me at this gate, And rap me well, or Ile knocke your knaues pate.
Gru. My Mr is growne quarrelsome: I should knocke you first, And then I know after who comes by the worst.
Petr. Will it not be? 'Faith sirrah, and you'l not knocke, Ile ring it, Ile trie how you can Sol, Fa, and sing it. He rings him by the eares
Gru. Helpe mistris helpe, my master is mad.
Petr. Now knocke when I bid you: sirrah villaine.
Enter Hortensio.
Hor. How now, what's the matter? My olde friend Grumio, and my good friend Petruchio? How do you all at Verona?
Petr. Signior Hortensio, come you to part the fray? Contutti le core bene trobatto, may I say.
Hor. Alla nostra casa bene venuto multo honorata signior mio Petruchio. Rise Grumio rise, we will compound this quarrell.
Gru. Nay 'tis no matter sir, what he leges in Lstine. If this be not a lawfull cause for me to leaue his seruice, looke you sir: He bid me knocke him, & rap him soundly sir. Well, was it fit for a seruant to vse his master so, being perhaps (for ought I see) two and thirty, a peepe out? Whom would to God I had well knockt at first, then had not Grumio come by the worst.
Petr. A sencelesse villaine: good Hortensio, I bad the rascall knocke vpon your gate, And could not get him for my heart to do it.
Gru. Knocke at the gate? O heauens: spake you not these words plaine? Sirra, Knocke me heere: rappe me heere: knocke me well, and knocke me soundly? And come you now with knocking at the gate?
Petr. Sirra be gone, or talke not I aduise you.
Hor. Petruchio patience, I am Grumio's pledge: Why this a heauie chance twixt him and you, Your ancient trustie pleasant seruant Grumio: And tell me now (sweet friend) what happie gale Blowes you to Padua heere, from old Verona?
Petr. Such wind as scatters yongmen throgh ye world, To seeke their fortunes farther then at home, Where small experience growes but in a few. Signior Hortensio, thus it stands with me, Antonio my father is deceast, And I haue thrust my selfe into this maze, Happily to wiue and thriue, as best I may: Crownes in my purse I haue, and goods at home, And so am come abroad to see the world.
Hor. Petruchio, shall I then come roundly to thee, And wish thee to a shrew'd ill-fauour'd wife? Thou'dst thanke me but a little for my counsell: And yet Ile promise thee she shall be rich, And verie rich: but th'art too much my friend, And Ile not wish thee to her.
Petr. Signior Hortensio, 'twixt such friends as wee, Few words suffice: and therefore, if thou know One rich enough to be Petruchio's wife: (As wealth is burthen of my woing dance) Be she as foule as was Florentius Loue, As old as Sibell, and as curst and shrow'd As Socrates Zentippe, or a worse: She moues me not, or not remoues at least Affections edge in me. Were she is as rough As are the swelling Adriaticke seas. I come to wiue it wealthily in Padua: If wealthily, then happily in Padua.
Gru. Nay looke you sir, hee tels you flatly what his minde is: why giue him Gold enough, and marrie him to a Puppet or an Aglet babie, or an old trot with ne're a tooth in her head, though she haue as manie diseases as two and fiftie horses. Why nothing comes amisse, so monie comes withall.
Hor. Petruchio, since we are stept thus farre in, I will continue that I broach'd in iest, I can Petruchio helpe thee to a wife With wealth enough, and yong and beautious, Brought vp as best becomes a Gentlewoman. Her onely fault, and that is faults enough, Is, that she is intollerable curst, And shrow'd, and froward, so beyond all measure, That were my state farre worser then it is, I would not wed her for a mine of Gold.
Petr. Hortensio peace: thou knowst not golds effect, Tell me her fathers name, and 'tis enough: For I will boord her, though she chide as loud As thunder, when the clouds in Autumne cracke.
Hor. Her father is Baptista Minola, An affable and courteous Gentleman, Her name is Katherina Minola, Renown'd in Padua for her scolding tongue.
Petr. I know her father, though I know not her, And he knew my deceased father well: I wil not sleepe Hortensio til I see her, And therefore let me be thus bold with you, To giue you ouer at this first encounter, Vnlesse you wil accompanie me thither.
Gru. I pray you Sir let him go while the humor lasts. A my word, and she knew him as wel as I do, she would thinke scolding would doe little good vpon him. Shee may perhaps call him halfe a score Knaues, or so: Why that's nothing; and he begin once, hee'l raile in his rope trickes. Ile tell you what sir, and she stand him but a litle, he wil throw a figure in her face, and so disfigure hir with it, that shee shal haue no more eies to see withall then a Cat: you know him not sir.
Hor. Tarrie Petruchio, I must go with thee, For in Baptistas keepe my treasure is: He hath the Iewel of my life in hold, His yongest daughter, beautiful Bianca, And her with-holds from me. Other more Suters to her, and riuals in my Loue: Supposing it a thing impossible, For those defects I haue before rehearst, That euer Katherina wil be woo'd: Therefore this order hath Baptista tane, That none shal haue accesse vnto Bianca, Til Katherine the Curst, haue got a husband.
Gru. Katherine the curst, A title for a maide, of all titles the worst.
Hor. Now shal my friend Petruchio do me grace, And offer me disguis'd in sober robes, To old Baptista as a schoole-master Well seene in Musicke, to instruct Bianca, That so I may by this deuice at least Haue leaue and leisure to make loue to her, And vnsuspected court her by her selfe.
Enter Gremio and Lucentio disguised.
Gru. Heere's no knauerie. See, to beguile the olde- folkes, how the young folkes lay their heads together. Master, master, looke about you: Who goes there? ha.
Hor. Peace Grumio, it is the riuall of my Loue. Petruchio stand by a while.
Grumio. A proper stripling, and an amorous.
Gremio. O very well, I haue perus'd the note: Hearke you sir, Ile haue them verie fairely bound, All bookes of Loue, see that at any hand, And see you reade no other Lectures to her: You vnderstand me. Ouer and beside Signior Baptistas liberalitie, Ile mend it with a Largesse. Take your paper too, And let me haue them verie wel perfum'd; For she is sweeter then perfume it selfe To whom they go to: what wil you reade to her.
Luc. What ere I reade to her, Ile pleade for you, As for my patron, stand you so assur'd, As firmely as your selfe were still in place, Yea and perhaps with more successefull words Then you; vnlesse you were a scholler sir.
Gre. Oh this learning, what a thing it is.
Gru. Oh this Woodcocke, what an Asse it is.
Petru. Peace sirra.
Hor. Grumio mum: God saue you signior Gremio.
Gre. And you are wel met, Signior Hortensio. Trow you whither I am going? To Baptista Minola, I promist to enquire carefully About a schoolemaster for the faire Bianca, And by good fortune I haue lighted well On this yong man: For learning and behauiour Fit for her turne, well read in Poetrie And other bookes, good ones, I warrant ye.
Hor. 'Tis well: and I haue met a Gentleman Hath promist me to helpe one to another, A fine Musitian to instruct our Mistris, So shal I no whit be behinde in dutie To faire Bianca, so beloued of me.
Gre. Beloued of me, and that my deeds shal proue.
Gru. And that his bags shal proue.
Hor. Gremio, 'tis now no time to vent our loue, Listen to me, and if you speake me faire, Ile tel you newes indifferent good for either. Heere is a Gentleman whom by chance I met Vpon agreement from vs to his liking, Will vndertake to woo curst Katherine, Yea, and to marrie her, if her dowrie please.
Gre. So said, so done, is well: Hortensio, haue you told him all her faults?
Petr. I know she is an irkesome brawling scold: If that be all Masters, I heare no harme.
Gre. No, sayst me so, friend? What Countreyman?
Petr. Borne in Verona, old Butonios sonne: My father dead, my fortune liues for me, And I do hope, good dayes and long, to see.
Gre. Oh sir, such a life with such a wife, were strange: But if you haue a stomacke, too't a Gods name, You shal haue me assisting you in all. But will you woo this Wilde-cat?
Petr. Will I liue?
Gru. Wil he woo her? I: or Ile hang her.
Petr. Why came I hither, but to that intent? Thinke you, a little dinne can daunt mine eares? Haue I not in my time heard Lions rore? Haue I not heard the sea, puft vp with windes, Rage like an angry Boare, chafed with sweat? Haue I not heard great Ordnance in the field? And heauens Artillerie thunder in the skies? Haue I not in a pitched battell heard Loud larums, neighing steeds, & trumpets clangue? And do you tell me of a womans tongue? That giues not halfe so great a blow to heare, As wil a Chesse-nut in a Farmers fire. Tush, tush, feare boyes with bugs.
Gru. For he feares none.
Grem. Hortensio hearke: This Gentleman is happily arriu'd, My minde presumes for his owne good, and yours.
Hor. I promist we would be Contributors, And beare his charge of wooing whatsoere.
Gremio. And so we wil, prouided that he win her.
Gru. I would I were as sure of a good dinner.
Enter Tranio braue, and Biondello.
Tra. Gentlemen God saue you. If I may be bold Tell me I beseech you, which is the readiest way To the house of Signior Baptista Minola?
Bion. He that ha's the two faire daughters: ist he you meane?
Tra. Euen he Biondello.
Gre. Hearke you sir, you meane not her to———
Tra. Perhaps him and her sir, what haue you to do?
Petr. Not her that chides sir, at any hand I pray.
Tranio. I loue no chiders sir: Biondello, let's away.
Luc. Well begun Tranio.
Hor. Sir, a word ere you go: Are you a sutor to the Maid you talke of, yea or no?
Tra. And if I be sir, is it any offence?
Gremio. No: if without more words you will get you hence.
Tra. Why sir, I pray are not the streets as free For me, as for you?
Gre. But so is not she.
Tra. For what reason I beseech you.
Gre. For this reason if you'l kno, That she's the choise loue of Signior Gremio.
Hor. That she's the chosen of signior Hortensio.
Tra. Softly my Masters: If you be Gentlemen Do me this right: heare me with patience. Baptista is a noble Gentleman, To whom my Father is not all vnknowne, And were his daughter fairer then she is, She may more sutors haue, and me for one. Faire Ladaes daughter had a thousand wooers, Then well one more may faire Bianca haue; And so she shall: Lucentio shal make one, Though Paris came, in hope to speed alone.
Gre. What, this Gentleman will out-talke vs all.
Luc. Sir giue him head, I know hee'l proue a Iade.
Petr. Hortensio, to what end are all these words?
Hor. Sir, let me be so bold as aske you, Did you yet euer see Baptistas daughter?
Tra. No sir, but heare I do that he hath two: The one, as famous for a scolding tongue, As is the other, for beauteous modestie.
Petr. Sir, sir, the first's for me, let her go by.
Gre. Yea, leaue that labour to great Hercules, And let it be more then Alcides twelue.
Petr. Sir vnderstand you this of me (insooth) The yongest daughter whom you hearken for, Her father keepes from all accesse of sutors, And will not promise her to any man, Vntill the elder sister first be wed. The yonger then is free, and not before.
Tranio. If it be so sir, that you are the man Must steed vs all, and me amongst the rest: And if you breake the ice, and do this seeke, Atchieue the elder: set the yonger free, For our accesse, whose hap shall be to haue her, Wil not so gracelesse be, to be ingrate.
Hor. Sir you say wel, and wel you do conceiue, And since you do professe to be a sutor, You must as we do, gratifie this Gentleman, To whom we all rest generally beholding.
Tranio. Sir, I shal not be slacke, in signe whereof, Please ye we may contriue this afternoone, And quaffe carowses to our Mistresse health, And do as aduersaries do in law, Striue mightily, but eate and drinke as friends.
Gru. Bion. Oh excellent motion: fellowes let's be gon.
Hor. The motions good indeed, and be it so, Exeunt.Petruchio, I shal be your Been venuto.
Le pheeze you infaith.
Le pheeze you infaith.