The Pastor in his Closet/General Devotion
GENERAL DEVOTION.
O Lord God, I am alone with Thee in my chamber; I have shut the doors of my chamber and entered into my closet, that I might pray unto Thee in secret, for Thou hearest and lovest the secret prayer. No man seeth or heareth me; no man knoweth that I have come to pray; this is my “solitary place;” it will not be known that I have now sought Thee in prayer till the last day, when all hidden things shall be brought to light.
When I pray in Thy house of prayer, when I pray with my household, I am seen to pray; but here I pour out my soul, I lift up my soul, I seek Thy face, I bow myself to the ground before Thee, I hold communion with Thee, God Most High, through Thy Son's name, and “Thou Lord only knowest it.”
O gracious Father, I do desire to be alone; when I am occupied before men, I know not the power of the opinions of men over me; I know not how much I do to be seen of men, or out of regard to men; I know not mine own self; I am not sure of myself; whatsoever I do in secret seems to be more entirely sincere, and done in singleness of heart to Thy glory. When I kneel down here in this my secret place, I can but be seeking Thee; I can but desire Thy favour towards me.
Awful it is to be with Thee, God, with my own solitary soul, with myself such as I am, with my single spirit, a most sinful creature, approaching Thee alone. Awful it is to feel Thy presence, to consider it, to believe in it, to know that I am alone with Thee, I a most sinful man, Thou the great God of heaven and earth. I might well desire to hide myself from Thy light, as did Adam, when he had sinned, among the trees of the garden. I might well desire to be joined by devout men in my prayers, to be mixed and incorporated with them, to escape standing alone before Thee and feeling my own solitariness, oneness, singleness of my own individual personal life. I might well desire to cast myself among a multitude, that I might be, as it were, a part of a multitude. But yet it is good for me to be alone, to feel that I am one, single, separate, responsible soul, who must in my own self live eternally.
Grant, God, that I may draw nigh to Thee in such sort as to be heard for Jesus Christ’s sake. Give me a sense of the Majesty of Thy Presence, Thou whom I now seek, Thou whom I now confess. Thou whom I now adore in faith and worship with my flesh and with my spirit, Thou who art my God, God most glorious, Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God Almighty, God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Ghost, blessed for evermore!
Though I cannot understand Thee, nor conceive Thee in Thine own nature, nor worthily praise Thee, though my thoughts concerning Thee fall infinitely short of Thee, though I scarce know what my words mean when I call Thee “God,” yet have mercy on me, and accept me, who am but “a worm and no man,” a mere speck in Thy creation, as a grain of sand upon the sea shore, “hardly to be accounted of” in Thy sight, sinful in flesh and spirit, “dust and ashes,” like “grass,” in sin conceived, and shapen in wickedness, unable to think or do anything that is good, beating upon my breast for the wickednesses that have gone over my head, the sins and offences of my youth and of my riper years, “a sore burden too heavy for me to bear.”
O God the Father, visit me though I be nothing, and a miserable worm, and unclean in Thine eyes, a sinner, “of sinners the chief,” “less than the least of all saints.” Thou hast created me; I am a work of Thy hands, a vessel which Thou hast formed. When Thou didst will it, I was created; and when I was created. Thou madest me to be immortal. I am a living soul which Thou hast made; I am Thine; I know that Thou hast respect unto man, though he is “like a thing of nought,” and dost greatly regard the son of man.
God the Son, Holy Jesus, Thou hast shewn what love Thou hast for the sons of men, for Thou didst become man Thyself, and knowest us by Thine own Manhood, and art “touched with a feeling of our infirmities,” and hast had experience of our suffering estate, and hast been “tempted like as we are, yet without sin,” and hast loved us, and given Thyself for us, and hast “carried our sorrows,” and didst humble Thyself to death, even to the worst death of men, the death of the Cross.
God the Holy Ghost, the Comforter, the Sanctifier, the Spirit of truth, the Guide unto truth. Thy love towards man has been made known, for Thou dwellest among men, and enterest into the hearts of men, and fillest believers with Thyself, and makest our mortal bodies to be the temples and tabernacles of Thy Presence, sanctuaries where Thou dost dwell. Thou art with the Church, even unto the end of the world.
Therefore I am emboldened to draw near unto Thee, O God, Holy, Blessed, Glorious Trinity. I want to be Thine, not in part only, but altogether, to be Thine of a truth, to be saved from sin and from everlasting death, to serve Thee with all my heart all my days.
And whereunto hast Thou called me? To what office in Thy Church? Thou hast chosen me to be an Evangelist, a Priest, a preacher unto Thy people, a shepherd of Thy flock, a watcher of souls, an ambassador, a steward of Thy mysteries, and an ensample to the flock over which Thou hast made me overseer.
O what great duties are laid on me through this mine office! How great a charge, how difficult a work and how awful, how great a weight of holy honours and responsibilities! What a work is this to do among men! to teach—guide—feed—watch—nourish souls immortal! Who is sufficient for these things? Who can fulfil so great duties? Is it not enough to keep guard over myself? Must I, who need to be fed, feed others? Must I, who need to be ministered unto, be myself ministering? Must I, who can learn so much of so many, be numbered among the teachers of men? Must I, who am full of sin, preach against sin? Must I walk first, who am last in many things? Must I lead souls to the throne of grace, when so many souls do outstrip me in the spiritual life through their greater zeal?
Lord help me; I cry unto Thee for help; I have no sufficiency as of myself, nothing to trust in but Thee only and Thy grace. I might well wish to unload me of this charge, and to occupy myself about my own soul only, when I consider my sinfulness, weakness, infirmities, fallings off, fallings short, negligences and other sins. I might well wish for a private place in the Church, where I might receive instruction, and hear counsel, and have help of spiritual men, and have pastors over me.
Yet Thou hast called me, Lord, to this work; Thou hast chosen me out of my brethren; I believe that I was inwardly moved by the Holy Ghost to the Order and Ministry of the Priesthood; I had the outward call of the Church; the holy hands of the Bishop and Presbytery were laid on me.
Thus was I set apart for this office; I cannot now go back; “a necessity is laid on me, woe unto me if I preach not the Gospel.” I am Thine, Christ, Thine for this great work, Thine for Thy people’s sake, Thine that I may be servant of all, and by all means save some. Having put my hand to the plough, may I never look back!
But as Thou hast called me. Lord Jesus, so help me according to my need. Without Thee I can do nothing; with Thee I can do all things; without Thee I am nothing, with Thee I am strong, and endued with much strength. If Thou guidest me, I can guide others; if Thou teachest me, I can teach; if Thou art my Shepherd, I can watch the sheep of Thy pasture. From Thee must I learn to know all my wants, and to obtain the supply of the wants known. Send to me the Holy Ghost the Comforter, to strengthen me with all gifts of grace necessary for my work, that I may have zeal with prudence, fervour with patience, love with boldness, earnestness with humility, aptness to teach, meekness in teaching, contempt of the world, and obedience to the law of the Cross. I look up to Thee for all things; I cast myself upon Thee; I cry aloud for help; “Help me, and that right early;” help me that I may be “an able minister of the New Testament, not of the letter, but of the spirit.”
That I may truly serve Thee with a tender conscience, teach me, Christ, to set before my soul what Thou requirest at my hands, to approve myself before Thee as “a workman that needeth not to be ashamed.” I must give Thee all my self, all my soul, all my strength, all my faculties, all my understanding, all my thoughts, all my time, all my affections, all my powers of mind and body, that in all ways, and in all things, and at all times, I may preach the Gospel. My work is to preach the Gospel, in season, out of season, directly, indirectly, publicly, privately, at home, abroad, in sermons, in conversation, in the church, by the way-side, in schools, in sick-rooms. I must preach Thee to the young, to the middle-aged, to the old, to the sickly, to the strong, to those who are without faith that they may believe, to those who have faith that faith may be increased, to the careless that they may have care, to the lukewarm that they may glow with love, to the afflicted that they may seek their consolation in Thee.
I must preach Thee in a right spirit, earnestly, lovingly, with sincerity, weighing each man’s state, “making a difference,” on “some having compassion,” coming to others “with the rod,” watching occasions, especially times of sickness or other affliction.
I must preach Thee also by my life and conversation, by my own personal holiness. I am set as an ensample to the flock. O Christ, what a work of personal holiness must I seek to fulfil in myself through the power of the Holy Ghost! of all the souls committed to me, of all this multitude of souls, mine should be the most pure, unworldly, unselfish, mortified, gentle, spiritual. Even so; I must preach Thee through my own life and be myself a sermon unto my flock. My flock should feel that I am not a man of this world; while I invite them to heaven, I should be seen walking heaven- ward myself; I should have experience of the way; I should be nearer Thee than any; not behind any, but before all, a pattern of true devotion, godly ardour, unworldliness, charity in speech and action. If I am a lover of pleasure, or a seeker of great men, or greedy of filthy lucre, or ambitious and fond of advancement, or self-indulgent, or careless, I must needs most grievously offend my flock.
For personal holiness, for personal holiness I do pray. Lord Jesus. if I should cause any single soul to err, if any fault in my example should weaken Thy blessed Gospel preached by me, or make my ministry of none effect to any single soul! if I err, it is not my own soul only that I harm; I can neither hurt myself by myself, nor save myself by myself, for I have the charge of souls. What if any, even the weakest of the brethren, should be lost through any offence or fault of me, O Lord! Save me from the blood of all men by Thine own blood, “My Lord and my God.”
That I faint not under so great a charge, teach me, Jesu, to remember the exceeding great reward which Thou offerest to the stewards of Thy mysteries, who shall be found faithful at Thy coming. Remind me of those holy texts wherein Thou dost speak of the recompense of reward. “Take heed,” hast Thine Apostle said unto Timothy, “unto thyself and unto the doctrine; continue in them, for in doing this, thou shalt both save thyself, and them that hear thee.” Thou hast said through St. James, “If any of you do err from the truth, and one convert him, let him know, that he which converteth the sinner from the error of his way, shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins.” Thou hast said through Thy prophet Daniel, “They that be wise shall shine as the brightness of the firmament, and they that turn many to righteousness as the stars for ever and ever.” Even our endeavours to save, though unblest to others, bring a blessing unto ourselves. “If thou warn the wicked of his way, to turn from it, if he do not turn from his way, he shall die in his iniquity; but thou hast delivered thy soul.”
Most gracious and most encouraging words of love! May they serve to stir up the gift that is in me. O if I should gain this prize, if I should ever tread the courts of the kingdom of heaven, if I should save any souls from death, and present them before Thee with great joy, what account shall I make of all my labours, self-denials, watchings, sacrifices of ease and worldly tastes? surely “the loss of all things” is “as dung,” if I can but gain Thee and behold Thee for ever. Lead me forth, O Lord; I desire this prize; help me to contend for it, and to attain it; send Thy Holy Ghost to comfort and to strengthen me. I am Thine; I would be Thine in this life and for ever; keep me under the shadow of thy wings; draw up my soul towards Thee; increase my faith, my hope, my charity; knit my heart unto Thee, and make me a faithful shepherd of Thy sheep, that I may at last see Thy glory, and partake of it with all angels and saints, through Thine own most precious blood.
