The Pastor in his Closet/Tuesday
TUESDAY.
Thou hast brought me, O Lord, of Thy great mercy, to the light of another day. Thou hast lightened mine eyes, that I slept not in death. I beseech Thee, lighten also my soul with the true light, even with Thyself, who art “the Light of the world,” that I sleep not in sin. With a refreshed body I do arise after Thy gift of sleep. Lift up my soul, waken it, refresh it with Thy Spirit, that I may offer myself willingly as a thank-offering for Thy great mercies, that I may live unto Thee this day, yea, and abound more and more in faith and well-doing.
Suffer me not, O Father, for Thy dear Son's sake, to fall back: nay, I do desire to advance, to go from strength to strength, to do more than I now do, and to do all with a better spirit. Lead me on to the higher stages of faith, to a fuller growth in grace, to a more mature and fruitful holiness, to a more intense and spiritual love of Thee and of my brethren. May I have strength to be a more complete conqueror of the world, of the world within me, of all earthly loves and affections. “Lord, I believe, help Thou mine unbelief;” help me from whatever of unbelief remains in me.
I am athirst for grace; “as the hart desireth the water-brooks, so longeth my soul after Thee, O Lord.” What grace I have wasted through mine own fault, or through Satan’s guiles, do Thou restore to me once again, that the second gift may be better esteemed than the first. I am but in the beginning and youth of holiness, when I should be of a goodly stature. I halt oftentimes, and walk weakly, and love languidly, and pray distractedly, and labour imperfectly, and have many worldly thoughts swelling like a flood within me, drowning my resolves and washing out my remembrances of Thee.
But do Thou, God, this day “renew a right spirit within me,” “establish me with Thy free Spirit,” so shall I love with a sincere love both Thee, my Lord, and this flock which Thou hast given me.
It is a great mercy that my calling is religious, that spiritual concerns are pressed daily before my soul, that I must needs occupy myself therein and keep them in my thoughts, and pass into sick rooms, and see dying men; for thus have I most moving sermons preached to me while I labour to teach. All the day long, while I warn others, I am warned myself; while I teach, I receive instruction; while I preach, I am preached unto; while I exhort others to watch against Thy coming, I have many visible persuasions to keep mine own light burning.
All these sick rooms, and great sorrows of men, and instances of uncertainty of life, and spectacles of bodily pain and terror, and hopes of good men, and hardness of the impenitent, and patience of the true believers—all these, the bleatings of my sheep in my ears, are like a great company of preachers teaching me in divers strains to prepare mine own soul, and the souls of my people, by Thy help, O Lord, for the day of Thy coming. Surely it is a great mercy that I am thus surrounded by these messages of God.
What should I become, if all such things were removed out of my sight, if I were occupied with worldly cares, and were mixed with men in the day of their health, or were engaged in places of buying and selling, in the businesses of the world! Other men follow worldly callings of great temptation, where the sounds of the world dwell in their ears, where all the speech is of bargains, markets, trade, disputes in law, vain pleasures, and such like things, where it must needs be hard to keep an unworldly heart, to walk by faith, not to be entangled in spirit in the affairs of this world, to love Thee more than the world, to look up stedfastly to Thee when so many things serve to draw the eyes, yea, and the heart, down to the ground.
Happy am I that it is mine office, my business to pray, to read holy books, to give heed to souls, to minister to the sick, to go into the houses of mourning, “for that is the end of all men, and the living will lay it to his heart.”
And yet, O Lord, Thou hast said in Thy Holy Word that to whom much is given of him will much be required. Having advantages beyond other men, ought I not to walk more carefully? With so holy an office, ought I not to be a holy person? In what a prepared and watchful state of soul ought I to live, if at any moment I may be called upon to kneel down and pray with the sick, if I must be so frequently offering up prayers, so frequently receiving the Holy Communion, and daily discoursing on heavenly things! It is a great matter to be always ready for prayer, to have a grave and prepared mind, so as not to sin against Thee by uttering any thing hastily before Thee. How entirely should I be possessed with the spirit of devotion to be fit for so much praying, so much discoursing upon heavenly things!
I am in great fear, good Lord, lest I should sometimes kneel down without fervour of soul, lest my prayers should be but cold forms, offered as a part of mine office, but not heartily, lest also I should speak without feeling what I speak, without being real in my words.
I know, O Lord, that Thou art “not extreme to mark what is done amiss.” O have mercy on me when I do thus offend through coldness or distractedness of mind! Let not these mine infirmities be any loss to those unto whom I minister, but make up to them through Thy grace what is lacking in my service towards them. What I should obtain for them through my prayers, do Thou bestow when I fail to possess the spirit of prayer.
But, most blessed Jesus, with so great a work laid on me, with so holy a frame of mind continually to sustain that I may fulfil my work, 1 feel the need of other prayers beside mine own, of a broader stream of prayer than can flow from my single soul. I need, I very greatly need, the prayers of my brethren in Christ, that I may myself incline to prayer and keep this ready mind. If I had mine own self only to watch, I should need the prayers of others. How much more then when I have this Thy flock to watch over!
I pray then, Lord, for the prayers of my flock; grant that they may have the mind to remember me daily in their prayers. I do earnestly beseech Thee, move them, through the power of God the Holy Ghost, to do this good work for me, that I may do my work for them. Make them to feel my need of their prayers. As I pray for them, so may they pray for me. This gift I desire at their hands, this great gift, this act of love, better than silver and gold, which the poor of this world can bestow on me, if they be rich in faith; “for the prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”
May my own flock ask a blessing upon me daily in my labours. Then I doubt not a blessing will descend upon me from the Spirit of grace, the dew of Thy blessing. with what a refreshed spirit should I go forth, if I felt that my people had been pleading for me before the throne of grace in their morning sacrifice of prayer; if I thought that the children, and the aged, and the full-grown had besought Thee to make Thy Word fruitful in my mouth.
Much is expected of me; all faults are quickly observed and much thought of; though I am a man of like passions with my people, yet they do expect me thoroughly to have overcome all passions, to be a saint indeed. And yet I fear that but few prayers are offered to help me to become such as they expect me to be. I fear that throughout the land the ministers of Thy Word and Sacraments are but little prayed for. Heal this great fault, and grant that henceforth we may have more prayers of our people; so will our ministry be more profitable to our people.
O what gifts can even the most destitute bestow, if they would but open their bosoms and draw them out! How much assistance and comfort of the Spirit in our hours of weakness might be obtained through the intercessions of our flocks in Thy name, O Lord Christ! How much grace may be withheld from us, because their prayers are so much withheld. It may be that many infirmities abide amongst us, divisions, coldness, secularity of mind, and other sins, because we are suffered to go forth with so little prayer.
And yet if we were blessed through our people's prayers, they would be blessed through us; if they obtained greater strength for us, we should have the more power to strengthen them in their fight. That which they laid out they would receive again with usury; that which they gave would be returned into their bosom. Teach then this my flock, O Father, to help me henceforth with their prayers, for Christ's sake.
