The Pastor in his Closet/Monday
MONDAY.
I must now go forth to my work and to my labour until the evening, even to Thy work, O Lord; to watch the sheep of Thy pasture. I feasted yesterday; Thou didst feed my soul, and I was filled; Thou didst refresh my soul, and I was refreshed with “a multitude of peace;” I prayed much; I continued in prayer; I meditated on heavenly things; I heard holy words; I nursed holy thoughts; I read holy books. My heart burned within me; I was drawn towards Thee with great desire, and I seemed to enjoy clearer perceptions of Thee and of Thy truth; I offered myself unto Thee with fulness of heart; I bowed myself down, and on my knees offered myself to Thee, soul and body, a living sacrifice, to be Thine for ever, to serve before Thee all the days of my short life. I dedicated myself anew, and, as it were, fastened myself afresh to Thy Cross.
Lo, then, I am Thine! and now must I enter afresh upon Thy service. Yesterday was the day of dedication, of prayer, of resolves, of devout thoughts. To-day I must be exercised in those things that I resolved upon through Thy Spirit; to-day is the day of action. Prayers, devout thoughts, raptures, resolves, holy exultations of heart, what are these, if in action I fail? What are these, if they are not the forerunners of holy living, if my faith fails in trial, and I turn back in the day of battle?
O Lord, as I now enter upon the work of faith, the labours of mine office, give me more strength of heart; go forth with me when I go forth into the world; renew my zeal of yesterday; add a fresh gift of grace to the grace then given; make me to go forth in Thy name. May I remember my vows of yesterday, and keep them this day and ever. Let not the world dazzle me, nor corrupt me, nor turn me aside, nor fill me with vain dreams; keep me from the world and separate me from it, for by my office am I already separated. I go forth with Thy Cross laid on me; I am indeed a soldier of the Cross. May I have grace to make this a day of unworldly labour and self-denial.
I do greatly fear and distrust myself. Preserve me, holy Jesu, from my own particular faults,—from indolence, from worldliness however secret, from love of self, from love of men’s opinions, from pride, from love of advancement, from cowardice in rebuking sinners, or from harshness in rebuke.
I know that I oftentimes yield to sloth; I am often indolent, a waster of time, an ill husbandman of time; I abide at home when I should be labouring among my people; I linger and hesitate to go forth, or I leave off too soon and do my work but partially, or I shrink from those who most need exhortation, from the most sinful and hardened of my people; I please myself with the conversation of the devout; I choose rather to sit with the righteous, than to go among sinners; I have often distaste for my toils; I want heart for them and patience; I often go to them unwillingly and end gladly; or when I have done little I think I have done enough. Indolence doth much possess me, and backwardness; I had rather read holy books than work holy works; I had rather sit meditating upon holy things than perform holy labours. I am often seeking excuses for easing my neck from the yoke.
And yet whensoever I have devoted myself to my flock and have spared not myself, I have returned home with a recompense in my heart, with a gift in my bosom, a treasure of inward satisfaction, with a light conscience, with a rejoicing spirit, with great peace. I have tasted of the cup of peace for my obedience to Thy will; I have knelt down and been glad; I have had exceeding great refreshment in my evening prayers. Thus hast Thou rewarded me instantly for my service; thus hast Thou encouraged me diligently to do Thy will.
O that I should ever shrink from the pure pleasure of devout action, that I should ever be loath to repeat such peace-giving toils, that I should ever go coldly and give myself unwillingly to these godly labours, that so soon recompense with such and so much joy! that I should ever be drawn from that part of active obedience which has the promise of peace, and is the path of peace!
Take from me, good Lord, this inertness, indolence, backwardness in pastoral action. Save me from the pursuit of my own pleasure, from frivolous cares and businesses, from frivolous friends and company.
Quicken me, Lord; give me a persevering mind, that I may devote myself to my flock. Let me not glide into any easy ways of service. “It is required in stewards, that a man be found faithful.” This dost Thou require of the stewards of Thy mysteries, not in word only, but in deed. Thou wantest not careless shepherds who sit at ease; the sheep are many and need the shepherd's care. “The harvest truly is plenteous, but the labourers are few;” therefore the few must labour with the greater zeal.
It is said of the men of the world that they “rise up early and late take rest” in their carefulness for perishing things; shall not the like be said of the men of God, Thy ministers, in their zeal for imperishable souls? In the sweat of my brow ought I to labour, yea, in the sweat of my heart, for I am an husbandman of souls, and of this harvest Angels shall be the reapers. That I may throughly do this work, I must gather up the fragments of time, that nothing be lost. Ease must be unknown to me, for what has the preacher of the Cross to do with ease! He who would effectually preach the Cross must wear it and be crucified himself.
And how many souls hast Thou given me, O Lord! even (here insert the number of parishioners). This is my charge, this number of immortal souls; and each one of all these souls has to be numbered among the Angels or the devils! How can I abide at home, or rest, or take my pleasure, with such a burden and such a charge laid on me! Is not each separate soul worth a life's work, all the labour I could give. What then must be the value of all this multitude of souls! How can I give sufficient labour?
O take from me, merciful Lord, all sleep and desire of sleep; souls may be lost even through the unwatchfulness of but a few days. Of how great a price is even one opportunity of speaking Thy word, if Thou art with me! Teach me after Thine own most perfect pattern to go about doing good and to be zealous in doing good, that I may be a faithful pastor, and that nothing be lost to this people through my unfaithfulness. Make me not only an evangelist, but a true pastor, going about from house to house. From house to house ought I to carry Thy Word, that the state of individual souls may be the better discerned, and that words in season may be the better spoken.
It is not enough to preach in the church, for that is but a general preaching; but I should teach privately, that particular states of men may be more closely touched. Give me a deeper sense of the value of pastoral visitation, that I may faithfully fulfil all the parts of mine office.
If it should please Thee to bless these my labours, and to give them increase in my time and before mine eyes, then, O Lord, increase in me the grace of humility; humble me so much the more. With all my heart, with great fervour, even with passionateness of spirit, I do beseech Thee to keep me humble in the day of success. Let me not say, “My persuasion or my pastoral activity hath done this.” Grant that I may give Thee all the glory, heartily, with a sincere mind. Grant that I may take nothing to myself of all the good done, but thank Thee with humble joy for having used such an one as myself to promote Thy glory. Grant that my rejoicing may be in Thee; so, in profiting others, shall mine own soul be profited.
I know, blessed Lord, that my frail heart will then incline me to speak proud things, and to say to myself, “Lo! thus and thus hast thou done, and thus and thus was it before thy time.” Satan also will seek to whisper vain thoughts into mine ear. Save me, holy Jesus, from mine own pride of heart and from Satan’s wiles. Teach me to dread praise as a serpent, self-praise and the praise of others, lest I become a self-worshipper.
Or if, Lord Jesus, I should seem to labour in vain, let not my heart fail; move me by Thy Spirit to persevere. It may be that Thou hereby desirest to keep me humble, and to make me feel mine own insufficiency, and to trust more entirely to Thy grace, and to seek Thine help more earnestly in prayer. It may be Thou makest trial of my patience, withholding a blessing, that I may seek it with more importunity and continue labouring in faith. Or it may be, Thou givest me no visible success, that I may the more undistractedly desire the final and most glorious recompense of faith. Thou canst give increase when Thou wilt; if not in my day, give it afterwards; make me content to labour without visible fruit of my labours in this life. O God the Father, bless me in my going out and coming in before Thee; bless all my labours this day and always, for Thy dear Son's sake Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
