Diamonds To Sit On

by Ilya Ilf and Eugene Petrof

 

DIAMONDS TO SIT ON

A RUSSIAN COMEDY OF ERRORS

by

ILYA ILF AND EUGENE PETROV

 

TRANSLATED FROM THE RUSSIAN BY

ELIZABETH HILL
and
DORIS MUDIE

 

HARPER & BROTHERS
PUBLISHERS

NEW YORK AND LONDON
MCMXXX

 

Originally published in Russian under the title

'dvenadtsat’ stul’ev’

(twelve chairs)

 

printed in great britain

 

CONTENTS

PART I

THE LION OF STARGOROD

chapter			page
I.		BEZENCHUK AND 'THE NYMPHS'	1
II.		THE DEATH OF MADAM PETUKHOV	9
III.		THE MIRROR OF SIN	16
IV.		THE MUSE OF DISTANT JOURNEYS	22
V.		THE GREAT SCHEMER	25
VI.		DIAMOND DREAMS	33
VII.		TRACES OF THE 'TITANIC'	38
VIII.		A NERVOUS THIEF	42
IX.		WHERE ARE YOUR LOCKS	51
X.		A LOCKSMITH, A PARROT, AND A FOR­TUNE-TELLER	57
XI.		THE ALPHABET OF 'THE MIRROR OF LIFE'	65
XII.		A PASSIONATE WOMAN—A POET'S DREAM	77
XIII.		MAY DAY	83
XIV.		THE SECRET UNION OF THE SWORD AND PLOUGH	90

PART II

IN MOSCOW

chapter			page
XV.		THE CHAIRS AND A HOSTEL	101
XVI.		QUARREL	107
XVII.		THE MUSEUM OF FURNITURE	110
XVIII.		WHERE ARE THE OTHERS?	118
XIX.		FROM PILLAR TO POST	123
XX.		THE AUCTION	133
XXI.		LITTLE ELLA	142
XXII.		ABSALOM VLADIMIROVICH IZNURENKOV	148
XXIII.		THE AUTOMOBILE CLUB	156
XXIV.		A CONVERSATION WITH A NAKED ENGINEER	164
XXV.		TWO VISITS	170
XXVI.		STARGOROD	175
XXVII.		HUSBAND AND WIFE	181
XXVIII.		POET	187
XXIX.		THE COLUMBUS THEATRE	191

PART III

MADAM PETUKHOV'S TREASURE

chapter			page
XXX.		A MAGIC NIGHT ON THE VOLGA	201
XXXI.		A SHADY PAIR	207
XXXII.		A LETTER	213
XXXIII.		EXPULSION FROM PARADISE	215
XXXIV.		THE INTERPLANETARY CHESS CONGRESS	219
XXXV.		ETCETERA	231
XXXVI.		THE VIEW ON TO THE MALACHITE POOL	236
XXXVII.		THE ENGINEER BRUNS	245
XXXVIII.		UNDER THE CLOUDS	253
XXXIX.		AN EARTHQUAKE	260
XL.		THE TREASURE	272